August 16th, 2006

Five Assumptions Every Blogger Could Make

Because I value your time and sanity I’ll sum up the contents of this post in one sentence. You can continue reading. Your choice, but I’ll give you the option of avoiding my drawn out explanations by offering a one sentence synopsis. The contents of this post can be summed up with the oldie but goodie: “Do Unto To Others As You Would Have Done Unto You.”

updated: god damn wordpress ate my revised intro and i’m too lazy to rewrite it but i feel like i should point out the posts that sparked this one. they were woven into the new intro but now have to make do with an unordered list:

• Lorelle: How Not to Comment on Comments
• Happy Catholic: Blogging Commenting Guidelines

Intro

How’s that saying go, assume make an ass of u and me, or something like that? It’s a good saying as assumptions will typically lead you astray. They’ll cloud your perspective and shrink your peripheral vision. Assumptions tend to restrict the world. Don’t assume things. The world becomes far richer because of it. However, I’m gonna veer from my distaste of assuming and suggest you do so.

I’m gonna suggest you do so because it’s been my displeasure of noticing a trend in the blogosphere, a clumsy word but I’m not sure what else to use, social web perhaps. This trend can be summed up thusly, “I’m smarter than you you fucking moron.” It rears its ugly head most often in blog comments. I’ve seen things like “You’re an idiot” quite a bit, that and its cynical, sarcastic variations. Granted, the written word isn’t as nuanced and flavored as verbal, person to person communication. It’s not always easy to gage the motivations, intent or feeling of the written word. Especially when it’s only a few sentences. Nonetheless, the “I’m smarter than you you fucking moron” bug exists and I’ve come across it quite often. It isn’t a new phenomena by any means. Maybe it’s beginning to annoy me more as I get older. We tend to notice different things as we age.

So what follows are five assumptions every blogger would be served to make.

Assume: This Post Is Not The Person

Repeat it a few times. If you read a post assume that it doesn’t convey the totality of the person who wrote it. A post is a molecular snippet of someone. It’s written at a certain time and in a certain space which will have changed by the time you read it. Do the considerate thing and don’t turn a post into the holistic human. You could know more about a person by looking through their bathroom than you could by reading a post they’re written. Assuming you’ve got a persons motivations and intentions figured out after reading one post is not only silly but reduces you to a small minded crap stain.

Assume: You Are Not Smarter Than “Them”

“Them” being everyone. Simply put, there’s someone out there who’s smarter than you and who’s smarter than me and there’s someone who’s smarter than that gal and so forth and so on. You can cash that check. The problem is what does “smarter” mean? How do we measure it? IQ is a terrible way to go about it. The smartest person I’ve ever knew had an IQ through the roof. Guy was blindingly brilliant seven days of the week. Problem was the guy was an emotional mess. If I wanted to know anything factual I’d ask him. He remembered the seventh inning pitch count from an October 19, 1983 Boston Red Sox game. However, if I had a personal problem he’d be the last guy I’d call. He didn’t have an ounce of emotional intelligence. And that’s the problem. Intelligence is contextual. Sure you may know more about computers than Mr. X. Doesn’t make you smarter. So avoid putting poor Mr. X down if he says something unwise. If the context and topic changed he could probably make you want to piss your pants and hide under a rock for saying something silly.

Assume: They Don’t Want to Be Deconstructed

Here’s an experiment for you. It’s actually pretty fun. Head to the nearest expert on a topic. You know, someone who’s considered “The Man” in a particular field, pick one of their posts, any post and proceed to rip it apart. Really deconstruct the thing. Parse each sentence, take things out of context, rip their post into shreds so you can prove the opposite point they’re trying to make. In less than five minutes, regardless of your knowledge on the subject, you could reduce the so-called expert to a babbling idiot. Deconstructing anything is easy. It’s destruction, which isn’t that hard. Set up a few well placed stick of dynamite and anything will come down. We can train monkeys to do this. Deconstructing something isn’t a sign of how brilliant you are and they didn’t write the post so you could prove to the passing traffic what a keen intellect you have. Instead, try engaging in a conversation. Questions are almost always more powerful than statements.

Assume: You’re Going To Be Trapped With Them In A Small Room For Thirty Days After You Make A Comment

In other words, assume you might actually have to interact with this person on a personal level, face to face. Now, you could say to yourself, “I don’t care what other people think of me.” I worked in a residential treatment facility with incarcerated teenage girls for three years. They all said this. “I don’t care what other people think of me. I’ll say whatever I want.” Though I didn’t put it like this, it’s total bullshit. Of course you do. If not your family than your friends. You might be referring to “that guy” over there but the only reason you say you don’t care what he thinks is precisely because he’s “that guy” over there. He’s removed. You have no personal connection. So what’s stopping you from making one? If not in reality then make it up. Pretend that you do. Pretend you do have a personal connection to everyone. It’ll change the flavor of your interactions. So, assume you’ll be spending some time with this person before you make the comment. Again, there’s those that would say, “I’ll still tell him he’s a stupid n00b.” In my experience working with girls who are more hardened and tougher than 99% of the population I’d say this is a crock of shit. Sure you’ll tell the weak, socially inept dude he’s an idiot. You won’t be telling it to the 250 pound boss who controls your destiny. Contextual again. Make your own context.

Assume: This Is The Beginning of a Discussion Not The End of It

When reading a post, even if it’s written like a formal declaration of what is so, assume it’s the beginning of the conversation. Don’t assume the person has written a definitive piece of work. Unless they’re God they haven’t so don’t put them in that box. If you do it leads to the urge to deconstruct the post. Assume every post is a Hello and begin from there.

Bonus Suggestion:

Use “I” statements and qualifiers when writing comments. “Cell phones suck” isn’t true and neither is “You’re a n00b.” “I think cell phones suck” is true and “You’re a n00b when it comes to understanding the mechanics of whale reproductive sex,” gets closer to the truth than the first universal statement. It’s still probably an ignorant thing to write but it comes off better with a qualifier. At least you’re not asking the person to defend their whole existence just their knowledge on the subject.

And that’s it. Five assumptions you can make when reading and commenting on a blog. This isn’t a call to make nice or a suggestion to avoid disagreement. Disagreement and conflict are great and inevitable. However, trying to be right can be a lonely experience.

I’d now like to invite anyone who wanders this way to model my points. Make some snide comments, deconstruct the post and make universally ignorant comments so we may demonstrate what I’m getting at here.