May 5th, 2008

Movie Posters Through the Eyes of a Kid

For example:

There’s more to be had at Something Awful.

On related note, the spread I linked to reminded me of the time I watched an entire R-rated film standing up cause I was, like, eight, and I figured it was wrong for an eight year old kid to be watching a movie with tits and ass. So I stood up the whole time watching the movie while taking great pains to also watch the driveway so I’d know when my parents came home and I could flip the channel to something lame without bouncing boobs like Scooby-Doo or the Alphabet People.¹

I wish I could recall the movie’s title, something salacious like My Private Secretary, but it’s lost in the clutter at this point. Anyway, these fake movie posters got me to remembering this incident and how kids these days seem more inclined to view sex nonchalantly. I understand any sentence that begins with “kids these days” is gonna miss the mark, too many factors to acount for in the senerio, but generally speaking, since everything’s sexualized these days, pre-teens seem more desensitized to displays of sex. A ten year old’s public utterance of “dude check out those boobs” isn’t too far removed from reality.² We wouldn’t have done that in the early eighties, generally speaking.

Oh, and I got through the entire movie if I recall correctly. I remember sun bathing and big boobs, and the main character was a teenager, I think, which made it all the more exciting cause I could manufacture a fantasy based on the dude’s relative age to me. Like, shit man I’m eight, he’s, what, sixteen so, like, in eight years this could happen to me, maybe. If it was hard core porn I was sneaking the experience might have been too surreal for relational fantasy.

This post is running to long, but all this writing reminded me of another time my friend and I discovered a pornographic Popeye comic book, which kinda blew our minds, with, like, Popeye eating spinach and a penis coming outta a mouth and other actions that broke the boundaries of comic realism as we had previously understood it. Anyway, story for another time, to continue risks shading myself a deviant. Small sips of these stories are best I assume.

1. This begs the question; What kind of parents leave an eight year old kid alone? My answer would be the best kind, but you gotta understand this was the early eighties. We lived in bum-fuck hicksville on a family farm, and my parents we’re both experts on childhood development, like, for real, with the fancy letters and all. So this could be the punch line, or it could be a different place and time, or I could be remembering it all wrong and the babysitter was screwing her boyfriend in the hay barn or something. My memory’s a bit fuzzy, but the standing and watching and feeling I was engaged in a wrongful act, that I remember.[↩]
2. I’d love to see a historical photographic depiction of the costumes folks wear at Disney World. I’m betting there’s way more cleavage on Cinderella than there was in 1950. And forgive me for the sacrilege. Cleavage on Cinderella seems a bit wrong, but we’re dealing with real world hypotheticals here.[↩]