The Land of No Questions

If you ambled around the corner from wishing thinking, past Old Man Fitstomps’s rusted Maple Shack, and traveled through a forest of quaint propriety you’d find yourself on the edge of a vast Kingdom ruled by men, in particular one family, the Family of David.

No one could be sure, because history didn’t exist in this land, but everyone agreed the Family of David had governed The Land of David forever. While a scientifically dubious claim, the fact jived with everyone’s memory. Of course memory fades at the edges, but whether The Family of David had ruled forever or not was besides the point. They ruled NOW so long live the King. May he spread his seed prodigiously and without concern.

The good citizens of The Land of David lived peaceful lives or at least the men did. It was a kingdom dedicated solely to the pleasure of the male and the land was stocked with many manly delights. Wild game flourished and the men hunted them with roars of primitive poetry, fathers bestowed a universal remote to every born male child and men could simply dropped their cocks to hum a sweet song as women of blonde hair and ample bosoms pleasured them. In every way it was a regressive male wet dream sprung to life, vibrant, intoxicating and ultimately easily destroyed by one traveling female and her question.

Questions were strictly forbidden in the Land of David. In truth the ban against questions existed for so long it evolved from written text to unconscious reflex, much like blinking or breathing. Questions didn’t exists in the natural order of things or that’s how it came to be. Perhaps it was a biological and neural phenomenon that occurred, no one knows for sure cause no one cared to inquire, but the brains of the fine men of The Land of David atrophied to such an extent that asking a question was impossible in the same way that a hog reciting Shakespeare is.

In the Kingdom of David it was strictly answers only or statements. No one ever ask, “So how’s it going” or “Would you please pass the salt?” No, it was “Today I am bold and hungry” or “I will have the salt now.” Communication therefore would seem strange to an outsider if they actually made it into The Land of David as more often than not they were killed for asking directions.

It is important to note this unfortunate traveler would not be killed for breaking a law. As mentioned before the law had long turned to natural fact much like gravity or a sunset. The men of David were not brutal savages. No, a lost traveler needing assistance would be killed for the same reason one might vanquish a ghost or a hobgoblin. The appearance of a questioning person was so disorienting and magical men typically mistook it for an evil spirit and, being men, would stab it with any available weapon or lacking an appropriate tool of death beat it dead with their bare hands.

You can imagine then that the Men of David quickly gained a reputation of irrational behavior and their land was avoid for practical reasons. Probable death can form a strong stigma. The absence of outside influence only served to perpetuate and solidify the state of affairs inside David’s kingdom creating a recursive feedback loop. It was in this way that the ban on questions became natural fact. The Men of David had called down into an empty canyon for so long all they heard back was their own echo, without the curiosity to inquire as to why this was so they quite reasonably assumed the echo was truth.

This truth vanquished curiosity. The Men of David were not curious. About anything. Without questions everything, be it a rock, a feeling or a thought had an excuse and purpose for existence predicated on an man’s individual subjective needs. Everything was relative to man. One man may say “This idea of yours is stupid.” Another may respond, “Wrong again, David, this is a grand idea.” A third may respond, “I don’t like where this is going. We will stop this conversation now.” Not surprisingly, and in order to avoid strife, the Land of David was a pretty quite place. There wasn’t a lot of flowing conversation and idle gossip. There was, however, quite a bit of brooding but, long ago, a law was struck that required men to brood in a cave.

Every man of David had his own cave and whenever a fit of melancholy or sullenness overtook him he would retreat to his cave and wait it out. They would not ruminate in their caves. Rumination and reflection require question and a quiet yearning for insight and realization. The men of David has none of this. Their caves were simply holding tanks to wait out foul moods.

As one might expect, each cave was filled with various projects in various stages of not quite yet done. The men fiddled mostly while in their caves. They’d whittle wood, fix TV’s, or throw rocks at the passing forest creatures. In time, the mood would pass, though no one ever knew why, and they’d emerge from their cave refreshed and invigorated.

In many ways it was a glorious Kingdom. If you were born a man. This unquestioning state of affairs ambled lazily through time for centuries. That is until one fateful day when a young woman, traveling along, happened upon the Kingdom and asked a question that changed the course of the lands history…

Post Tags: folktale + story + Weblog // Subscribe // Bookmark