April 3rd, 2007

This Blank Page

I’ve been facing a blank page all day. I use Scrivener to write with on my computer. It’s a dandy of a Mac application and I whole heartedly recommend the product. But today it’s been taunting me. Fullscreen open, a white, gaping wound that mocks me. If I strain my brain I can hear the empty page laughing. Worse, I can hear it making jokes and laughing.

I’ve employed my typical stuck in a rut tools - step outside, walk around the Lake-Pond, nap, berate myself, meditate, cheerleading, free-writing, coffee consuming, Weegie Board channeling, whatever it takes to unclog the creative pipes. Alas, the blank page remains immobile and cruel.

This happens - a stubborn blank page. This one’s been particularly spiteful. It has managed to spin my brain into a recursive loop revolving around the question “why.” If you have a child and have played the “What If” game with them then -”what if the penguin flew to Mexico, [answer], and what if he didn’t and met a chicken, [answer], and what if he found a spaceship made of cheese, [and so forth and so on] - if you’ve played this game then you know the endless and pointless journey the question why can send you on. In the case of a child the pointlessness can be refreshing and fun. When an adult and shackled with preconceptions of productivity this question can be a cold cut indeed.

But I step backward a few paces and turn to look behind me, curious if the view there might give me some insight or realization. And it does. This page, this blank page is the color white. White is not the absence of color it the combination of all colors and that realization explains my blank page.

My blank page is not the absence of ideas or creativity but the swirling, chaotic joy of all creativity and possibility. My blank page is not lacking something. My blank page is everything - rich with lust and grace. My blank page is not a prison. My blank page is a universal doorway into which, with a little bravery, I may jump and be engulfed in the joy of endless creation. This white page is not to be feared and fondled. This white page is to be honored and used.

And so I create.