Writing with Bows and Ribbons
I recently bumped into a relatively new, free Mac application called AppDelete. Brought to my attention via the always useful FreeMacWare site. AppDelete deletes your applications. Go figure huh and here I was expecting it to stroke my ego and brew me coffee. I’m still waiting for that one.
What first struck me about AppDelete was the fact that I already paid for it and it was called Appzapper. What struck me next was the almighty power of cool, good marketing, a familiar name, and shiny gift wrapping. What struck me final was a nap cause my little old brain can only take so much electrical stimulation before the breakers trip but right before I hit the sheets it dawned on me that I might glean a lesson from these competing App-Be-Gones and apply it to my writing or writing in general.
I realized I mentioned four aspects that struck me when I first noticed AppDelete. I’m only going to delve into one, the power of shiny gift wrapping. The effects of “cool” are well documented… somewhere. You can go discover the resources on your own. I’m sure Google would be happy to oblige. Cool is… cool. Until it isn’t and then it’s a Hula Hoop.
As for good marketing, well, that helps. Wonders never cease huh? Apple gives good marketing. PC, not so much these days. The relative merits of either platform are besides the point really. Good marketing, the appeal to our lizard brain variety, could care less if the product actually works. Get your hand into your wallet, pay the money, tell your friends and, gee wasn’t that fun, let’s do it all again. Of course, marketing is slowly changing. This is nice but the old guard still rules. Create a need. Fill it. It’s a good days work.
A familiar name? Also a benefit. You’ll be more apt to buy a Wonder Widget from Steve Jobs as opposed to Jobless Steve. It’s a bit of a Catch 22, the name game. You want the name to sell the product but you have to sell the product to get the name. Kinda sucks.
Of course, create a kick ass product and… there’s still no guarantees. Unless you have A Name in which case there’s still no guarantees but it doesn’t really matter cause you’re The Name. Until you’re not at which point you’re fucked cause nothing sucks more than being A-Name-That-Once-Mattered-But-Is-Now-Slinging-Hash-And-Broken-Ideas. It’s a worse fate than rotting on the vine as a defunct Child TV star. At least they linger in the collective consciousness. Remember Clive Addams? Of course not, no one does, not even the Google Mind. Being The Name Now Faded sucks.
Which brings us to shiny gift wrapping and pictures. Yah for pictures. Here’s a few of the two applications:
I don’t know about you but I want the fucking rad ray gun man. I want to blow shit up. Me Man. Me Kill. Give me the Flash Gordon gun so I can bag and tag stuff. A trash can? Eh. I don’t ever really want to see a trash can. It’s kinda a pussy if you think about it. Sits there and takes it. Forgive me the sexual innuendo, not entirely on purpose. But a trash can? It’s a fat, passive American gobbling up stuff and waiting for someone else to come around and take care of it. It’s the Bush Administration. Give me the fucking gun. I can rule the world with a gun. Me Man. You fucking stupid trash can. Come to think of it, maybe they’re both the Bush Administration in their own ways.
Here’s a couple more pictures to illustrate the power of gift wrapping:
My mind’s eye filters the above pictures a little like so:
Pretty packaging. Makes a big difference. Now some might say we’ve come to rely on bright lights and bushy tails a bit too much. The substance is what counts or in that ’80’s slogan of yore, “Where’s the Beef?” I don’t disagree but all things being equal I’m hanging with Bright and Shiny everytime.
So how does perty packaging relate to writing? Didn’t I mention something about that? Why yes I seemed to have mentioned that. This brings us to the old adage, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This is, how shall I put it delicately, bullshit.
We’ve all done it, judged a book by its cover, literally. I’ve boughten a book because the cover makes me giddy and lightheaded with delight. I’ll do it again. Does the cover betray a delightful interior? Sometimes, though not always. You can probably bat above the Mendoza Line if you went strictly on a book jacket’s eye shadow.
But the “book by the cover” isn’t what the App-Be-Gone software got me thinking about. It’s words themselves. Some writing just oozes glitz and beautiful wrapping. Here’s an example I came across the other day via the always informative Copyblogger. Six words,
For sale: baby shoes, never used.
Feel free to jump to the site to discover by who and why these words were written. I’ll leave it a mystery but I will say this is writing wrapped in some shining armor. It glows. It explodes. You want to buy it. You’re reaching in your wallet the second after “used” flitters across your brain. That is writing dressed up in Sunday’s finest.
I don’t know if you can teach this type of writing. Writing that’s packaged with bows and ribbons. I’m of the opinion that it’s intimately connected to the author. The author who decides to write in his or her own voice unconstrained by propriety or rules or the confines of what is expected usually ends up with red carpet content. The kind that struts. The kind paparazzi jerk off for.
Writing stripped naked might be the trick though you’d be shooting for Jessica Alba and not Kathy Bates, a fine and wonderful actress in her own right. I speak metaphorically here. Writing that stands naked is writing that stands beautiful.
Of course, I’ve now mixed metaphors. On the one hand I speak of writing with bows and ribbons and on the other writing naked like a new born babe. But maybe therein lies the secret. The dichotomy of excellent writing. Delving into the dichotomy without a need or want of reconciliation springs the primordial sentence which may then be woven into a song of self. That or just work your ass off but that’s so Protestant. We’re a YouTube nation now. Can’t I get ahead with a broadband pipe and two silly notions? Facetious.
Postscript:
Perhaps a meandering look into my thought process you did not need but I’m not one to staunch the flow of creativity, my own brand of it mind you. Anyway, I feel the need to mention that my intention is, was, not to pick on AppDelete. It’s a good, sturdy application and worthy of space on any Mac users hard drive. It’s free, as in oxygen (at the moment), and appears to do the same job as its pricey cousin, AppZapper. I used it to because it sparked a thought. So please ease my guilt, download it and use it till your computer spits black smoke and crashes.
And finally, all this talk of deleting apps makes me think of the one App to Rule them all I am still holding my breath for. I m speaking of the LifeZapper. I’d plunk down a months pay for the application that tidies up the messes, frustrations, and annoyances of my life. Maybe the AppZapper dudes could concoct it for us? Here’s a mockup to get them started:
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